"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." -Proverbs 31:26
When I found out I was pregnant with Taylor, I was so unsure of what this journey would look like. Would I be a good mom? Would my daughter be as in love with me as I was in love at the mere thought of her existence? Would she be like me? Would she look her dad? How will I teach every good thing that I know? So many questions, right? 14 Mother's Days later and I still have so many questions.
Am I being the best mom I can be? Do my babies know that I love them like "XOXO" ( I looove Mother Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter...)? Are they proud of me? Do they know that I'm proud of them? Am I being too tough? Am I not being tough enough? And the biggest one right now, in this season: ARE WE GOING TO MAKE IT???
I can do a lot of things single-handedly, and with ease; but this "mother" thing has me feeling anything but confident most days. A lot of the time I don't know which way is up from down, and although I have such an amazing support system, I still feel lost. I am learning that even with the presence of a great village, a kid is going to choose the path that a kid wants to choose...and these poor babies today, just have things so hard between their peers, social media, television/movies, family dynamics, etc. It's truly heartbreaking to watch.
Me, I have no fool-proof tactics for anything that works, and truthfully, I feel like I am failing at raising them; but I am fighting to remain hopeful that I will see the promises of God manifest within and through my children, Taylor and Cadence. That means that the trouble that I see with my eyes today, can not and will not last forever. I've learned that all things are ALWAYS working together for me (and my children) because I love God and I am called to His purpose. I've seen the darkness before, and I've lived to observe the breaking of day too. This won't be any different.
To be a mother is one of the most beautiful gifts that God gave to me, but it is also proving to be one of the most difficult journey's I've ever encountered in my 35 years of life...and I've seen some things. Nonetheless, I was chosen for this. I was chosen to be an example of wisdom, kindness, and love to these two little people; and no matter the size of the heartbreak, that is what I am committed to doing.
So, Sisters, I pray that you all are celebrating your little hearts out this weekend because what you do is incredible! I pray that you are receiving all of the love that your huge hearts can stand, and I pray that it's enough to motivate you to keep going! I just ask that you send up a prayer or two for your girl, because I'm struggling. In all of the Mother's Days I've lived through this one is the toughest one I've ever experienced, but I celebrate you wholeheartedly, Sis. Happiest of Mother's Days to you!!!! May you enjoy this precious time with your God-assigned heartbeats...YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!
"Your Favorite Survivin' Girlfriend"